She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
