I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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