OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
