I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
