If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
