this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you. Go after that dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
