Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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