At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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