Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
