put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
