I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
