I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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