I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
