I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
