we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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