dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
