If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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