I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
