I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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