pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
