I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
