i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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