the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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