Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
