I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
