Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
