I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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