Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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