the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
