69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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