the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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