she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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