haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
