If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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