why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
