I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
