I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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