mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
