Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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