happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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