ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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