I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
