if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
