The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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