I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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