the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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