How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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