gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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