A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
