Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
