There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
