Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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