Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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