i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
