I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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