i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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