All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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