Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
