Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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