Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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