New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
