I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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