Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
