At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
