Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
