What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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