I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
