I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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