sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
