New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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