I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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