is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
