I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
